Photo with 13 notes
I’m buying a pair when I get internet decent enough to find them, and make the purchase.
I forget how sensitive she is to observation sometimes. She tends to take the things I say in the most aggressive manner possible. And inflection doesn’t carry over in text.
She thinks I still suppose things about her. But I have learned through personal history together that supposition on anything dealing with her is like playing Russian roulette.
I simply observe the juxtaposition of her volume of communication and the presence of her shipmates versus herself, and the timing of things- and collate them into a theory. I never meant to be malicious with it. It all boiled down to: sometimes I feel like I am just being fucked with. It’s not difficult to see why.
I don’t think she’s a cheater. Though I definitely think we are very socially incongruous people. I am neither socially convenient nor easy in digital form to her type of person. And I respect that. Right now- her real family, the tangible, extant one that contractually gets her- is more real, and comfortable to her. But here I am- supposing again.
The point is: I am stepping back, and allowing her to bleed out for a while, and take the reins. I am stepping back, and learning how to be happy on my own, without needing her at all. I am really tired of being told I am needy, or feeling dependent on my wife in any way. I am finding ways to be my own person completely, autonomously. She has the wheel, and I’m taking a personal hiatus to just listen, and see how things go- and be happy with myself, by myself.
And I’ve already written PAGES and PAGES that are kept to myself, and for myself.